Guest Post with Shelli Johnson – “Are You Afraid of Writers?”

Today’s guest post is by Shelli Johnson. Shelli’s becoming a bit of a regular on the ‘Rant’ because everyone enjoys her posts so much. And I think you’ll enjoy today’s devilishly funny rant.


“A little talent is a good thing to have if you want to be a writer. But the only real requirement is the ability to remember every scar.”  ~Stephen King

Most writers have long memories. Some of us may wish we didn’t. But the fact remains that if you cross us, hurt us, humiliate us, or do any multitude of things that make us feel less than, you can pretty much bet that you will, at some undetermined point in the future, show up in a story and not in a pleasant way.

You may not recognize yourself. You may be a character with a penis the size of my pinky finger. You may show up as a character in a mental institution. Or a character with hygiene issues, massive amounts of back hair, no social skills whatsoever. Or my personal favorite, a character who gets killed off in the most gruesome way possible. You get the gist, right?

We don’t need to admit this to you. In fact, in most cases, we probably won’t ever admit it. But we’ll know, and that’s what matters. We’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that we hold the power and that you, the people who shamed or disgraced or angered us, are helpless to do anything but let the scene play out on the page. We’ll also have the pleasure of knowing that our audience may chuckle and point fingers and be glad they aren’t you.


Here’s a little warning from me to you: You should be careful, you should think twice, before being mean to anyone . . . but especially to a writer.

Are you afraid of writers?

Shelli’s award-winning novel, SMALL AS A MUSTARD SEED now an eBook for Kindle, Nook, & iPad/iPod/iPhone!
Publishers Weekly called it: “An intense and heartbreaking story of the fallout of war.”
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26 comments on “Guest Post with Shelli Johnson – “Are You Afraid of Writers?”

  1. lol. Nice! This is true stuff 🙂

  2. Krystal Wade says:

    Great post! Had me smiling all the way through! I’d never really thought about making the jerks of my past into the idiot of my books. I’ll have to work on that! 😉

  3. Loved it, in Gaelic Ireland the power of the poet was up there with the magic of the druids and you crossed a poet at your peril, tradition lingers somewhat to this day!!! There was even a form of verse dedicated to calling down curses (usually seven) on those who were not hospitable to the wandering poet!!!!

  4. Feel the power of the Word, and beware! Hahaha!

  5. Hmm, never thought of that angle – just as well our revenge is purely fictional!! Great post:)

  6. Jane Travers says:

    *Ahem* I have never done that. Never ever ever. Nope. *polishes halo*

  7. A stimulating post as always Kelli. I can’t say I’m particularly scared of writers but I do know that others, particularly extended family, are nervous of me as I write a lot of personal essays. That said, I’m careful as to what I include when a piece is being published and, if necessary, seek prior approval. Partly for reasons of good manners but more importantly because the pen is a double-edged sword and anything I write can be used against me.

    PS. Jane Travers: dat halo is only dazzling 🙂

  8. Haha. This is so true! I love it. 😀

  9. This was my fun blog for the day. Writer’s revenge is always sweet. Thanks Shelli

  10. Is that me? Nah, but maybe. Always enjoy your posts, Shelli.

  11. Hi Sheli! I am now viewing everyone I meet as a potential book character. Beware! Great fun.

  12. Hi everybody! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Yes, my halo is also sitting a bit crooked after this post. 🙂

  13. Emma says:

    Ooh I never thought about the power of writing in that way. Hmm, who will I kill off in my next story? 🙂

  14. tomdharris says:

    Very funny, I think you should get some ‘Be afraid of me – I’m a writer!’ T-shirts done! You know, nothing too antagonistic 😉 Excellent post, slapped a nice big smile on my face. Cheers.

  15. Niki says:

    SO true!!! This had me laughing out loud and nodding in agreement! You always have a great point of view Miss Shelli!!!

  16. Susan says:

    ::whistles innocently::

  17. Jack Durish says:

    My ex wife will one day appear as a character named Lilith – the mother of witches

  18. Hi all! Thanks for stopping by. Makes me smile. 🙂 Derek, thanks again for letting me rant on your blog. Cheers!

  19. jamhenry says:

    Great post. I can feel the fear 🙂

  20. Maura says:

    V funny, laughed all the way through and am praying to God now I have never beeen mean to Derek…. yikes !! 🙂

  21. 4u1solo says:

    Well am I upset that a woman, mother of children, et. al. would do this – nope. It is so predictable! Now I, on the other hand, tell my close friends that I am “using their name” in my current book. A little sense of something beyond themselves until they read the character and then it starts. Nancy Read doesn’t know what to make of “her” character, see the blog(4u1solo). Using the name can be a reward as well as whatever?

  22. Victor TLVD says:

    As a would-be author, I can already exercise my imagination… there is such a thing worse than dying in a displeasant way… What about be in Hell at the Devil’s wishes? But then, Hellraiser already did that… I’ll think of something better (or worse)…

  23. Love it! My current WIP is providing some real therapy for when I worked in the corporate world. I’m having a good time getting some revenge. It will all be a work of fiction, but I will know… bwwwwhhhaaaaa. 🙂

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